Okay, let's try this again...

I've been reading all of these wonderful blogs lately and checking out some great podcasts, and I've felt like I really want to start contributing to my own blog again. I think I may need to get over my own perfectionists tendencies -- I am so reticent to publish something that isn't wonderfully witty, insightful, or well-composed that I don't publish anything. Which is really funny because I am certain that I am the only one reading this anyway! But, I am going to put my fears of mediocrity aside and try again with this blog.

So, some of the blogs I've been reading lately have to do with secondary infertility. That is, infertility in folks who have already had a first child, but are having a tough time getting pregant (or staying pregnant) with #2. I am not even sure if our situation could be considered secondary "infertility" -- I haven't gotten an "infertile" diagnosis. But, we are trying for #2 and having a tough time with it. I had heard a bunch of stories about women being super fertile after a miscarriage, successfully acheiving conception the first or second cycle after a miscarriage. So, naturally after our miscarriage in December, I was expecting to get pregnant again right away. Well, here we are three cycles later and still not pregnant.

At least, I don't think we're pregnant. Right now I am experiencing some spotting and I am not sure if it's due to implantation or if it's just the start of my period. Both times I've been pregnant, I had spotting about 10 days after ovulation. However, I also spot a day or so before I get my period. I started spotting on Wednesday and took a pregnancy test (well, actually two of them) which was of course negative. Now I've had light spotting for three days and I have no idea what is going on. I don't want to take another pregnancy test because I don't want to face the disappointment. Plus, my period isn't due until Sunday. If I take a test today and it's negative, I'll be disappointed, but I will still have a glimmer of doubt in my mind, thinking that perhaps it's too early for the test to detect the HCG. Then, if I get my period on Sunday, I'll be disappointed TWICE. So, I am just planning to wait to see if I get it on Sunday -- if not, then I'll take a test.

And, if it's negative on Sunday, then I guess we're back to trying again...